im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
