he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
