When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
