do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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