one two three fourrrrnication!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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