She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just googled if crying burns calories
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize