I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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