Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
