We won't sleep together?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I deserve this hangover.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
