Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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