Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Randomize
