Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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