I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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