Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
