she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
