Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
