she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
