Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
