Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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