based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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