just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
