I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
