My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
