how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
