I'm going to jail i love you
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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