Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You're a waste of cheezeits
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
