every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
