I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
