What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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