I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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