Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
