You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
