i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
