I should be sponsored by Trojan
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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