Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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