Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
