I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
