I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
