you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
