Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
