So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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