This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
