I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It was like getting head from an anaconda
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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