i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
