im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
