I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
