im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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