i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
