I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
