So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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