Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
