imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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