It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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