there's paper in my vomit.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
